you know, I don't live over there. No I don't. So the least, the VERY LEAST I expect from you all is to, once in a while FFS, update me on what is happening.

Ross Kemp went to Afghanistan???

JESUS PEOPLE.

these are things I need to know.

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Trunkt.com has accepted my application!

Trunkt is a place where retailers and wholesalers can go to hook up with people who make handmade items, such as meself. You have to apply and they have to like your stuff and not feel it is too simliar to many other applications etc.

More importantly, you have to have good photos of your stuff so it's a BIG HOLY FUCK that I got past their application process. My photographs of the stuff I make look like the village idiot was given free rein with the camera. I must have hundreds of pic of cards etc and I could only fish out a few I thought might be all right for this. My ability to take pics is slowly improving but I do seem to have a bit of a developmental block there!

I'm not sure what membership there will do for me, but I am optimistic! And now I have to go add a bunch of images or something...

You're a rooster

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I don't' want this to become the blog of my misery, but I guess it's fair that it will take me a little while to be my cheery old self. There are still flowers arriving (from my Dad) as well as ashes and containers for said ashes (the boy and I both got bullet urns that will work like a necklace - Rudy hated to be left behind so now he can go everywhere with me)  and notices from the SPCA that donations are being made in Rudy's name, which is great  because it means that even in death he is still helping others.

But it does suck and I wish he was still here - Roland is now dealing with regretful Peanut who believes that had she been to a better doctor sooner, things would have been different - but he was 13.5 years old, maybe even older than that so really, it would have come soon enough.

It's surprising still to see how much of my brain was taking up with considerations of the dog - what  to feed him, where to take him, what would he like to do. It will take a while for other things to seep into the brain and take up that space. If anyone catches me trying to mother my old Curious George doll, please shoot me.

And in a month or two my sister and her family will arrive here - her husband got a job here and they will be just a 15 minute drive away from my place. this means many good times - and they recently got a little dog who is a mini-Rudy, in appearance only mind. She's hardly a patch on his skill with people but she has a good heart and a very busy mind. Really very busy. And she does this hilarious thing where you get her a very large chunk of ice - say 12 inches by 15  - and she will sort of grab it with her front paws and push it frantically all over town, propelling herself like a village idiot with her back legs, all the while trying to lick the ice chunk. She's very fun and sweet.

So things are looking up - they woudl have to I guess : )

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Fist morning up without Rudy. Very sad. I've lost my friend and part of my life's purpose it turns out. So much of my brain was devoted to his care that it's a bit unsettling not to have him to think about when I get up - what's for breakfast, where to go for a walk today, what woudl he like to do?

So many of the small joys in my life came from his joy - me being able to do something that made him happy. That was a wonderful feeling and I am now realising that those small daily joys will be hard for me to find anywhere else. I could try this with the people around me but who am I kidding? I did this with Rudy because of the way I felt about him...different from how I feel about most people.

A friend called me last night to offer condolences and she said "you two found each other at just the right time - you  helped him out a lot but he was really good for you at that time in your life." She very correct. Rudy came in to my life (on a daily basis, as he was my sister's dog) when my personal life was a mess and my mind was all over the place. He gave me focus and made me think about someone else before myself. He paid me back for anything I did in in spades with supreme love that never wavered even when I was an idiot. He enjoyed every minute he spent with me and unbelievably for someone as prickly as me, I loved every moment around him.

So part of the mourning I am going through right now is for the loss of the greatest friend I have ever had - but the other is, selfishly as usual, for myself. For the loss and change that I am facing. For the fear that my life has changed for the worse in the last few days and what if I cannot get it back on track, as it was with Rudy? I knwo that I have changed over the time that I have had Rudy and I believe this was for the better. So I want to be sure that these changes stay, a fitting tribute to my boy, my handsose man, my best friend. Perhaps this is what my new purpose needs to be, as God knows I do not want to feel the rudder slip from my hands again.

The finest and truest thing I can say about Rudy is that while he came from a shelter, no one saved him, it was always the other way around.

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...came today for my best friend Rudy. He was truly a stellar four footed companion and his end was peaceful, with his family around him telling him how much they loved him.
Surely to God he is in Heaven, hiking through the woods with my grandfather. I will miss him more than I thought possible - my best friend and the fellow who taught me more about life and myself than I deserved to know.

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I've had Rudy  to the vet's a lot lately - he's gotten very lame. But I felt the vet really was dithering a lot, so I got a recommendation from a friend and went somewhere else.

So the good news is my new veterinarian has been able to name some of the things wrong with poor old Rudy.. He's not 100% sure what the main problem is, but he is 100% sure how we are going to move forward. This has made me feel good.

The bad news is that we are entering the palliative care stage for Rudy - he's in good spirits and still quite healthy other than the lameness, but there is a suspicion that what is causing it may be nerve sheath tumors, and if that is so, then that is that, really. We are going to mamange his pain a little better first, then we are going to maybe do some more x-rays to figure it out.

But really, even if it is tumors and not just osteo-related, there will be no suguries or amputations at his age, so it will still be pain managment.

He's 13.5 years old, so that's not too bad. And I am going to gete him a wagon so we can still wheel him to places he likes to go and then he can have a little walkabout there. IT's too ahrd for him to walk a lot, but he still likes to go places.

Still, that he can't live forever sucks.

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My friend L lost her dog last year - he was 13 I think and had been ill for some time. She just loved him to bits so it was sad (when is it not?)

So for Christmas, I have screen printed her an image of the lovely fellow. I'm just putting it in an embroidery hopp for now - she can decide what she would like to do with it.

Behold - my first ever screen print:

Bristol

Her sister said she will cry when she gets this but she didn't really say this in a "it will be sweet" way - more in a "why would you do this" way. But I have since come to understand that her sister is a bit selfish so she can stick it. Personally, I woudl love to have one of these of my dog.
OH! What a good idea!!

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Two co-wiorkers and i decided that this year we would not bank on the staff lunch  to provide us with the wonderful Christmas meal we feel we desrve (and by the way, the satff lunch was, despite all the fancy talk on the menu, middle rate hotel food AT BEST.) but we were unwillilng to spend a crackign great sum on the meal we wanted. Then we hit on the idea...each payday for the last few months we have each dposited $20 in a jar. We now have almost $400 for our dinner. It's tomorrow night and it's here.

Ignore the annoying Moby. This place gets raves on chow.com so I am drooling in advance!

And in other news:

I took the dog to the vet on Saturday - he has been limping and favouring his right side and it didn't get better (As a hiking dog this has happened before) so I was concerned. So was the vet, a lovley holistic vet - she spent quite a bit of time trying to get him to show his feelings about her manipulations of his legs - he's so stoic about pain. Finally she figured out where the problem was and sat back down to her laptop - tap tap tapping away and saying that she is quite concerned (oh?) and would like to do an x-ray today (gulp), it could be just a sprain but where there is so much muscle atrophy (eh?!) and so much pain whe she touched the bone she has some serious concerns that we coudl be dealing with bone cancer. Cue Peanut bursting in to tears. Ever so helpful, sitting in the vet's office, clutching a box of tissue and sobbing as she tries to tell me it may be something else but what with his age etc, we really need that x-ray. Sob sob snuffle "go on, I'm listening" raggedy intake, quieter sobbing.

So she gos to finish with another patient and I go to the truck to get Roland, who, upon seeing my face believes that the dog has expired right there. He comes in and does a bang-up BF job, sitting with Rudy while I sob, lifting him on the x-ray table while I empty my schnoz into another tissue, helping them lay a distressed doggie down on the x-ray table while I hiccup and wheeze from the doorway, and then sitting with Rudy during the the x-rays (behind the vet's shield momentarily of course) and holding his head to keep him calm while I am banished to the doorway, still riding little waves of calm-sniffle-snifle-sob-calm. Thenthe short wait while they check the x-rays during hich Ibegin crying more as I am so sure of the dire outcome. THen the news that his bones are clear and he must have simply done some smashing damage to his muscles/ligaments etdc and they will give us some presecription anti-inflammatories for 3 weeks then come back for some massage and accupuncture and you know maybe next time we won't discuss the worst case scenario until we are sure? OK?

 Sniffle, yes. Good idea.

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Does anyone here have any experience with the very low temp slow roast method a la Blumenthal? I read an interesting set of instructions in the gaurdian for this and I am thinking this is how I will do my Chrismtas bird.  THe bird he did was only 12lbs though and mine is 18 so i am trying to work out the math on this - his took 9 hours so I think mine shoudl take about 13.5. Anyone? Math? Cooking? Help?

Also, I read a little thingy by MPWhite talking about how not to stress on your turkey etc but to make sure it is small. Like 10 lbs. His point was that the larger birds are only purchased by those who wish to be flash, and that you will nto be able to properly fit this in your oven.

Wha? Flash? Look, pal, my bird is 18lbs and I do NOT consider that to be excessive. Do you know how much left ovr turkey I can consume? I dont get tired of it. not ever. Espcially if thre is plenty of left over gravy, stuffing and cranberry sauce.HOly GOD that makes a mother effing marvelous sandwich!!

AND what kind of oven does that guy have? I can fit an 18lb turkey in my oven and then some. My chum is doing a 30 lb'er and she has some challenges to meet, but 18? Come on. Christmas wimp.  And my bird is not big becuase he's flash. No, if that were so, he woudl be wearing a sparkly medallion about his non-existent neck (dog gets that) and tiny little burberry boots on his hacked off foot stumps. .

Does MP White actually know how to cook or has he been fooling everyone all this time? FFS, 18lbs does not make my bird excessive! "may as well try to cook a brick." Oh yes? A brick, like say, the one your wife chucked through your window for cheating on her yet again, you fading culinary gobsmack?

He better back off my bird, that's all I'm saying.

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Were your holiday cards store bought, handmade, online, TBD or MIA?

http://www.scotiamade.etsy.com

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